


Voices

by Emybulby



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Dark, Death, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sad, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22141492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emybulby/pseuds/Emybulby
Summary: I had to write to relieve some troubled thoughts tonight and since I see a lot of myself in Han Jisung (my precious bias), I decided to write from his point of view to try and see things differently...Well, anyway, this is probably super triggering, so please don't read if you are not comfortable with the topics listed in the taggs... ❤️
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	Voices

Jisung took a deep breath in and let the water swallow him whole. The now unclear sounds of the music playing from his cellphone in the bathroom felt far away, as if coming from another dimension.

Jisung relaxed in the warmness surrounding him. He could feel his hair moving around his face, caressing his cheeks and neck. He could feel the resistance of the water around his limbs. He could even hear his thundering heartbeat. It was loud... He hated it. He wanted his chest to stop hurting with every beat... He wanted his heart to simply become silent and motionless...

Han Jisung was a bright kid. That was what people said about him, and even he could fool himself sometimes... 

He had a blinding smile and a contagious energy. He loved to make people laugh and support others. He had dreams, he had talent, he had everything to look forward to...

Yet, when he was alone, or with only very close friends or family members, he couldn't keep his own mood up. It was as if his mind was its own nemesi, that waited for his weakest moments to strike, by bringing back shameful memories, self-esteem issues, fears... It was poisoning him, and it had been for a long time.

With the right support, he had been doing better, but he struggled right now to ask for help, because what was the point? Why did he have to put so much effort into not wanting to end his own life? It was tiring... He didn't want to live like this, always waiting for another breakdown, or a difficult period in his life, because it was recurring phenomenon, eating at him for as long as he could remember.

He was old enough now to know that it wasn't just a teenage-angst kinda thing. 

He had chronic depression and anxiety. 

What an iconic duo..

**Knock. Knock. Knock.**

Jisung emerged from the water, gasping, just now realizing that he had been under for a long moment already. 

"Y-yeah?" He stammered.

"Are you almost done? I need to use the bathroom too!" Minho asked on the other side of the door.

"Give me another five minutes!"

Jisung got out right away, and quickly put away his unused razor and other bath products, then emptied the tub and got out with only a towel around his waist.

Minho entered the bathroom right away, complaining about Jisung leaving water everywhere.

_You're a burden._

It was nothing, just usual whining, but it still hurt. 

"Don't forget about your dishes, Jisung," Chan told him, and Jisung quickly agreed before finally locking himself up in his room. 

He breathed a couple of times, trying to calm down the overwhelming negative thoughts swarming his mind.

In the end, it was useless... 

_You'll do it, it's not much, and it's not like you'll have to do this for a lot longer anyway..._ His own voice whispered in his head.

When did he agree that he really wanted to get through with those dark ideas? He couldn't remember exactly, but deep down maybe he had agreed since the first time they had appeared...

He talked about the "voices" as they, but truly, they were part of him, a proof of his weak and broken self...

Jisung put on a big t-shirt and pajama pants and lied on his bed with a sigh. 

Yeah... Just a bit longer, and he'll be gone... 

How? He didn't know, but he had some ideas, they had been passing by in his train of thoughts for a while already...

When? Maybe not too soon, as it was not the best time to leave his group, friends or family, but in a few months probably...

Jisung closed his eyes at some point, and darkness took over not long after.

When he opened his eyes the next morning, he was still as tired as the night before. The depressive thoughts were almost non-existent for a moment... And then... 

**Knock. Knock. Knock.**

"Jisung, get up or you'll be late. Also, you forgot to do your dishes yesterday. You better not forget them today either," Chan reprimanded him.

 _What a failure_.

This would be another great day... 


End file.
